I've been struggling a bit lately and I really don't know why. There's really no reason for it. Life is going along okay. The Man has a job, our kids are healthy, nothing to complain about. But things just feel rather unbalanced and unfocused for some reason. I'm feeling sort of disconnected in my relationship with Jesus I guess. I don't know, maybe after months of clinging so tightly to Him and keeping my focus so directly on Him I'm feeling fatigued. Isn't that pathetic? Shouldn't I feel more energized and more focused? I don't know, maybe it has nothing to do with that at all. Maybe it's because I'm just tired of winter, tired of being cold, tired of spending so much time indoors. Maybe it's because I'm finally at that place where I'm gaining my freedom during the day and don't know what to do with my time. The Man is working the kids are in school. Maybe this is that adjustment period I was expecting last Fall. It just got postponed due to The Man's unemployment. I do know this isn't how I want to feel. I want that focus and closeness and connection back that I had just a couple of months ago. I'm not feeling ungrateful. I can still see all the blessings that I'm surrounded with. I just feel a lack of direction right now. I'm feeling far too introspective which is a place I really don't enjoy being. I hate spending too much time wallowing in me. I was reflecting on all of this on the way home from dropping the kids off at school this morning. I'm so glad my relationship with Jesus isn't based on how I'm feeling on any particular day. I can feel like I'm grasping for air but He holds me tight in His grip. I can feel like my life is unbalanced but I stand on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. I can feel like my prayers don't make it past my lips but He hears every one. It doesn't matter how I feel, I have the truth of The Word to guide me. "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. I will not be moved"........from one of my favorite songs ever.
I Will Not Be Moved--Natalie Grant